St. Nicholas
SNYO concert yesterday was
wowee!
For friday the soloist was some unknown guy who was apparently so freaking good. His pizzicatos were jaw-dropping, it was like
bow bow bow pluck-a-chord. & he plucked it with his left fingers? I think, I couldn't really see. But it was so freaking fast, like
twenty times Shostakovich. He managed to lose like 5-7 bow hairs after this certain piece. & he solo-ed throughout the whole concert. Before intermission, him and his pianist. After intermission, with the orchestra.
My gosh, he was so freaking good. But his facial expressions were um... unique. Boy it fitted the piece: tormenting. I especially liked his
encores! He played this wierdo chinese piece till he dropped his bow. (was it on purpose?) & then cause the audience kept applauding, he came out and played us one last encore which was the most enjoyable. He detached his bow hair from his bow (as in the stick), and then he placed the bow hair over the string and the wood below the violin. (as in literally below the violin) Then he played what was supposed to be a tango, I think. It was so cute, the melody was played and then he used the wood to knock against his violin and it went
tok-tok. So cuteeeee.
Anywayyy, instead of buying Mary-Anne flowers, or broccoli, (Have I ever mentioned that my brother got tons of that after his concert? Don't ask me why.) Yuexiu and I bought her a
KINDER SURPRISE! Not the pirated one okay, this is like the
real stuff teeheehee. & Macdonalds with YueXiu was
hahahaha fun! & Sarah (Mary-Anne's sister) is so darn cuteee! Hahaha, unlike Mary-Anne.
Anywayyy, the past week was so tiring, I don't know why. Sometimes it wasn't physically tired, but emotionally. I couldn't sleep, didn't want to close my eyes. Just wanted to stone. Yet some people expect me to jump around, continue smiling and grinning like nothing is out of sort.
I slept on the sofa yesterday with my pinafore on since I was so freaking tireddd. Not physically, but emotionally. But I guess I just didn't want to move.
I'm sorry I'm such a lousy niece I can't even help you. Why did things had to blow up so huge I don't know. You changed from a gifted person to a depressed one. Please please please don't scare me, don't talk to thin air. The baby was sick remember? No one kidnapped it, no one took it away. One minute you seem sane, and the next you're not. Take those pills, I pray very hard that they will help you.Add Maths test next week, and I think I'm gonna get my theory results back soon uh-oh. /:
Swinged it at;
11:02 AM
I'm too lazy to change my blog layout or search for a suitable image heh, so I guess you'll just have to stare at our pretty faces. :D
I stole the picture from cassandra's blog teeheehee. Mary-Anne looks peeved and WengJun looks so innocent! & whoa, Natalie's pinky is so LONGGG.
& Yes, we were sitting on garbage bags yay.
Why isn't Claudice in the picture :/ We've grown so much closer over term1 and you've never failed to be there for me when I'm down. We've confided in each other in practically everything under the sun, from trivial matters to politics. & she's so sweet! When I was crying, she sms-ed me even though I was just right next to her: "Hello love, don't cry ):" Aww, some things are better expressed through actions and not words.
Thank you Claudice, you don't know how much that meant <3
And since I'm on the topic,
I love my closest buddy for all the encouragement and love! When I read your letter, I felt so loved. And knowing that you were never one for warm fuzzies, I really appreciated that little note with its many colours. How do you put up with my whining, I don't know, I annoy myself at times too. -reaches up and pats your head. You're like my leaning tower of pisa, just that you're straight and I'm leaning on you <33 [Can you imagine if it was leaning tower of pizza? I would be in heaven.]
Yay hay, the blue badges noticed how sad I was yesterday and they attempted to cheer me up, how sweet. Especially Jessalyn and Kimberly. & Jessalyn never fails to be such a jackass tsk. Kimberly sounded like my big sister when she was trying to comfort me, so mature! Tsk, she makes me feel like a kid. & thank you for the sms-es (:
Sigh, PPR was shit. I've never felt so stupid in my entire life. Maybe I'm just surrounded by smarter people. All the yellow badges did so well! L1R5 of 11,13, 15, 17, etc. [Whoa, ascending order! Odd numbers too!] But neverminddd, it's just term1 and there's always term2 to work hard for.
When did I become so optimistic -.-
Okay, I'm happy (:
Swinged it at;
3:51 PM
I'm afraid we will be the first to get anything less than a Gold.
I'm afraid we will regret not putting in enough effort.
I'm afraid we will let the school down.
I'm afraid we will cry infront of other schools.
I'm afraid that I won't be able to play up to speed.
I'm afraid that I can't do cross strings without hitting other strings.
I'm afraid that I will mess up my scales.
I'm afraid that I will play horribly out of tune.
I'm afraid that I won't get my desired results.
I'm afraid of horrible test results.
I'm afraid of working hard but not performing any better.
I'm afraid of not doing well enough to stand out, to get a scholarship.
I'm afraid of burdening my parents with my university / degree fees.
I'm afraid I can't get a job in future.
Conclusion:
I'm afraid of everything. & "Afraid" is a nice word to use.
Swinged it at;
10:59 PM
I think we're the most horrible level ever. The games we plan are boring. We can't maintain peace and order in the mep room. We fail to engage everybody. Rah my god, I feel like a failure.
So anyway, sectionals were quite alright. & Mary-Anne left early again today. ): Then I went to popular after school to get my long-awaited physics assessment books. There was this wierd guy standing next to me, staring uninterestedly at the books. [Apparently, he has been forced to purchase the assessment books while I, might even have to pay for them myself.] Okay so our comversation went like this:
Me: Excuse me. [He was blocking my way and I've been standing there for ages.]He: (Steps aside) Forced to buy assessment books too?Me: Huh? No luh, I want these books. He: Siao ah. My parents give me $100 for books, and they expect me to spend all. Really ki-xiao one you know.Me: Erm okay.C'mon man, I might even have to pay for my assessment books myself! & he's got $100 to spend and he's complaining, sheesh. All the ungrateful people in the world. In the end I got only one book. I swear assessment books are burning a hole in my parent's pocket!
& Everyday, I'm constantly reminded of how extra I am. Everything seems
to revolve around the same 3 people. They do all the decision-making, and
everything is in their favour. Two of them are quite alright, they consult the
others and try to include the others.
But the last one? She doesn't give a damn. We're only her spare tires, her
back-up if the other two ain't there. Too absorbed in having fun, getting
attention, she forgets about the rest. She hurts us, un-noticingly and
unfeelingly. But yet, when she isn't given the usual amount of attention she
gets, she starts whining and complaining about how everything is prejudiced, and
how she is so excluded, expecting her spare tires to comfort her and in a way,
give her the attention she craves.
I don't understand her and I think I never will.
My god, I haven't even started on my chinese hw. 2 books in a week is madness I tell you! Rahhh, so much for a holiday teachers. /:
Swinged it at;
10:47 PM
You know, I just read Cassandra's blog and she said Amanda took off her braces already. I didn't realise oh my gosh!
Anyway strings today was quite dull. I think we did a bad job of the icebreakers. ): And then when they were talking about the criteria for SYF judging. I was like "My god, come to think of it, getting a gold will be like winning millions of dollars!" & then we listened to the 05 SYF recording and our current recording which made me feel so... discouraged. I don't know, why do we sound so horrible! ):
So then we split up into our sections. & Yeahhh, the violins had a hell of a time. And I don't mean it in the fun way. Now I feel so sympathetic towards the blue badges.
Then break time! We sang
You Are My Sunshine for the committee! Hahaha, both the normal one and the remix. Then WenMan started crying which made me tear, which made claudice tear. Hahahhaha, chain reaction! Tsk, Wenman!
Okay anyway, I hope the committee like our letters and envelopes. Aren't we the most caring and loving level, teeheehee :D
I wonder what we have planned for tomorrow. & Ah, we have to expose the identity of the murderer. I wonder who she is!
Who am I trying to kid, I know who she is -.-
One minute you're in, and the next you're not. It's funny how things work. Life in that particular aspect seems to revolve around the same few people. Try to get involved, and they find you extra. However, nobody ever found them extra, tell me why. & things get worse when these people come along and start complaining about how they're always feeling so inferior and are having a difficult time. C'mon, who is worse you tell me.
& Now, I know what you've been talking about. It ain't as easy as it seems, and I'm sorry I didn't understand before.
Swinged it at;
9:01 PM
& I'm back from my
extra short Sarimbun Camp.
I feel so...
un-exhuasted, excluded, left out. I had to leave for stinking theory exam on friday night and I missed everything was fun. I missed everything on saturday except for the campfire.
I really really extremely extremely badly badly wanted to try challenge valley, high elements, kayaking, abseiling, rock climbing etc. ):Argh, and when we went back on saturday night,
everybody was so envious that I got to bathe at home. But they don't understand, they had their share of fun, for a price of course. [all the stinky toilets and all, yes I know] I guess no one ever knows how to appreciate something till its taken away from them, and
I SO BADLY WANTED TO PARTICIPATE IN THE WHOLE CAMPPP ):Guess who didn't slide down the challenge valley slide, didn't kayak, didn't rock climb, didn't fall from a great height, or in other words, had her share of fun?
I'm willing to bathe in the horrible toilets, tire myself out, get sunburnt, be food for the mosquitoes, but have my share of fun at the same time.I enjoyed myself during the campfire, but felt so left out. Everything that my friends mention, my only reaction was HUH? We lost out in so much, yes, that much. Then back in the dorm, everyone had their own "space" to sleep and the four of us who were "new" didn't know what to do. Sleeping on the floor was fine, but it just made me feel even more excluded. But then again, if they've squeezed and compressed to make space for us on the bunks, I suppose I'll feel really bad.
& My group was a little on the quiet side, but
there was so much bitch-ing, backstabbing, and we couldn't work together. It was scary to see the negative side of everybody showing at the same time, affecting our team spirit and all.
Our trainer for the first, and half of the second day was ... un-fun. He didn't even try to communicate with us, didn't crack jokes & wasn't as sporty as other trainers. It didn't really help that our trainer was unenthusiastic, which made our group even more...
dead. & When I came back on saturday evening, our new trainer was really niceeeeeeee. At least she bothers to try to communicate, crack jokes although I think we really disappointed and discouraged her when we remained so passive.
Sorry, trainer!& When we left for school, everyone was
so sad, so emotional. Some teared, some blinked back the tears. Others just stoned. & that was when I realised that if I've really participated in the camp, I would be like everybody else. Perhaps, I would have happy memories to bring back with me instead of disappointment at not being able to participate fully.
I miss the camp, I want it to happen all over again. & this time, I want to participate fully, and have my share of fun.I guess life is just like the waywatch thing we played for teambuilding. An unsteady see-saw rocking all the time with people at different ends going through ups and downs. I always seem to be on the wrong side, missing out in everything, always...
down. Some people get into groups where they manage to communicate, have fun, and get to participate in everything.
& Yet, they have so much to whine and complain about. Others bitch, backstab, don't participate yet still don't feel bad about it at all. Perhaps its just the way they were brought up, the way they've managed to enjoy successes all this while. But its difficult to listen to them whine when they have what I've always wanted.
Turn the clock back, let me have this all over again. But of course, I'm asking for the impossible.
---
Anyway, after we were dismissed from school today, I went with
Mary-Anne, Cassandra & Amanda to macs for uh,
teabreak hahha. Then we were talking, more like gossiping, but whatever hahahha. Then I left in a rush and forgot to take my wallet which I left on the Macdonalds tray my gooooodness /: So Amanda's keeping it for me heee.
Then I went back to my house in AMK and had nothing to do. I attempted reading a book, but I'm such a
lazy bag of bones I couldn't be bothered to hold my book up. So I ended up lying down on the sofa and stoning. & the above post is the end product of it all.
Okay thats enough, I need to cheer up, get a grip on myself &
start on my holiday homework AHHHHH.Everything just ain't going the way I want them to be, but I'll hang on in there. & You should too Wen Man! Don't be sad, I'm here. <3& I just realised my mood doesn't fit my blog layout.
Swinged it at;
10:47 PM
Ah it's March already. Thats so fast, time sure flies. However, the only memories I have of the past three months are only graded assignments, tests, tests and more tests. & I dread the upcoming horror of our PPR grah.
Anyway, its so scary. No amount of sleep can satisfy me. Yesterday, when I got home from theory lesson at about 11.30pm,
I was so zonked out. I fell asleep on the sofa with in my school uniform. & guess what, nobody bothered to wake me up. So I just slept from 11.30pm all the way to 12.30 in the afternoon today. Ohmygod, thats
thirteen hours. Sigh, I don't really lack sleep what. I get an average of 5 hours of sleep everyday, and thats real good. I'm wierdddd. I better eat more iodine![seaweed!]
AMaths -logarithms test on wednesday and chemistry test on thursday /: It's the last week of school and thats what we have. & I'm still sore over having to miss so much of the student leadership camp ):
WHY'D I HAVE TO TAKE THEORY EXAM!
Swinged it at;
2:20 PM