St. Nicholas
& I'm back from my
extra short Sarimbun Camp.
I feel so...
un-exhuasted, excluded, left out. I had to leave for stinking theory exam on friday night and I missed everything was fun. I missed everything on saturday except for the campfire.
I really really extremely extremely badly badly wanted to try challenge valley, high elements, kayaking, abseiling, rock climbing etc. ):Argh, and when we went back on saturday night,
everybody was so envious that I got to bathe at home. But they don't understand, they had their share of fun, for a price of course. [all the stinky toilets and all, yes I know] I guess no one ever knows how to appreciate something till its taken away from them, and
I SO BADLY WANTED TO PARTICIPATE IN THE WHOLE CAMPPP ):Guess who didn't slide down the challenge valley slide, didn't kayak, didn't rock climb, didn't fall from a great height, or in other words, had her share of fun?
I'm willing to bathe in the horrible toilets, tire myself out, get sunburnt, be food for the mosquitoes, but have my share of fun at the same time.I enjoyed myself during the campfire, but felt so left out. Everything that my friends mention, my only reaction was HUH? We lost out in so much, yes, that much. Then back in the dorm, everyone had their own "space" to sleep and the four of us who were "new" didn't know what to do. Sleeping on the floor was fine, but it just made me feel even more excluded. But then again, if they've squeezed and compressed to make space for us on the bunks, I suppose I'll feel really bad.
& My group was a little on the quiet side, but
there was so much bitch-ing, backstabbing, and we couldn't work together. It was scary to see the negative side of everybody showing at the same time, affecting our team spirit and all.
Our trainer for the first, and half of the second day was ... un-fun. He didn't even try to communicate with us, didn't crack jokes & wasn't as sporty as other trainers. It didn't really help that our trainer was unenthusiastic, which made our group even more...
dead. & When I came back on saturday evening, our new trainer was really niceeeeeeee. At least she bothers to try to communicate, crack jokes although I think we really disappointed and discouraged her when we remained so passive.
Sorry, trainer!& When we left for school, everyone was
so sad, so emotional. Some teared, some blinked back the tears. Others just stoned. & that was when I realised that if I've really participated in the camp, I would be like everybody else. Perhaps, I would have happy memories to bring back with me instead of disappointment at not being able to participate fully.
I miss the camp, I want it to happen all over again. & this time, I want to participate fully, and have my share of fun.I guess life is just like the waywatch thing we played for teambuilding. An unsteady see-saw rocking all the time with people at different ends going through ups and downs. I always seem to be on the wrong side, missing out in everything, always...
down. Some people get into groups where they manage to communicate, have fun, and get to participate in everything.
& Yet, they have so much to whine and complain about. Others bitch, backstab, don't participate yet still don't feel bad about it at all. Perhaps its just the way they were brought up, the way they've managed to enjoy successes all this while. But its difficult to listen to them whine when they have what I've always wanted.
Turn the clock back, let me have this all over again. But of course, I'm asking for the impossible.
---
Anyway, after we were dismissed from school today, I went with
Mary-Anne, Cassandra & Amanda to macs for uh,
teabreak hahha. Then we were talking, more like gossiping, but whatever hahahha. Then I left in a rush and forgot to take my wallet which I left on the Macdonalds tray my gooooodness /: So Amanda's keeping it for me heee.
Then I went back to my house in AMK and had nothing to do. I attempted reading a book, but I'm such a
lazy bag of bones I couldn't be bothered to hold my book up. So I ended up lying down on the sofa and stoning. & the above post is the end product of it all.
Okay thats enough, I need to cheer up, get a grip on myself &
start on my holiday homework AHHHHH.Everything just ain't going the way I want them to be, but I'll hang on in there. & You should too Wen Man! Don't be sad, I'm here. <3& I just realised my mood doesn't fit my blog layout.
Swinged it at;
10:47 PM